Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
