: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
