I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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