I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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