Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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