If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
