marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
