I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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