I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
