we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize