that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
