you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
