he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
