dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
