He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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