just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
