and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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