The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
