im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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