chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Randomize
