I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
