I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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