After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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