New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
