ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
