So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
