You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
