Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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