Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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