Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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