I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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