I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
