apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
