They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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