Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize