I accidentally burped into my bong.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
