at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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