textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
