I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
