A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
