who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
