long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
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I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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