Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
