Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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