i don't like sucking hair
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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