I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize