Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
