new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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