just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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