I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
