I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
