I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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