I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
