dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize