There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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