last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
