Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
