everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
