I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
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I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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