So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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