maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
