ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
