he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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