That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
