it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
