I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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