Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
