Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
