did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
