he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
