This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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