And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
