i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
