I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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