I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
