I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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